“If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.
Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.
Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances,
try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.
Or yet if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, let me be.
I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me.
That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you.
If you allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself,
so that someday these ways of mine might not seem so wrong and might finally appear right to you as right—for me.
To put up with me is the first step to understanding me. Not that you embrace my ways
as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness.”
-Adapted from David Keirsey
We all fight with life in different ways, arming ourselves daily to try to change our circumstances. We resent and resist “what-is.” We argue, offend, criticize, attack, and battle with self, others, and with life itself. We also defend, make excuses, and judge, and we do so both consciously and unconsciously.
We are triggered and reactive because we’re conditioned to buy into our unhealthy stories, negative assumptions, unjustified expectations, and false beliefs that distort, delete, and alter our reality. So many of us live by our self-created manuals about how things should be and how people should think, feel, and behave.
At a seminar I recently attended, I heard a presenter say the following: You get to choose how you want to move through life—triggered or untriggered!
Although I’ve heard this same message many times over and have understood it intellectually, it never before resonated with me at such a deep place of emotional awareness. It reminded me that we really do get to choose. Not the circumstances, per say, but the hurt—the degree of suffering—the level of anger, resentment, and drama. Meaning, we get to choose our level of “trigger.”
I’ve had my share of challenges and realize that I have lived a relatively “triggered life.” I’ve argued with my husband and children around petty nonsense, I’ve resisted my physical chronic issues, I’ve judged those who have hurt and upset me, and I’ve tried to change things and people superficially from the outside.
This is not to say that I have not done my inner work, as I study and practice wellness daily and know that change occurs from the inside out. What I am saying is that I struggle each night to sleep, I have several unresolvable physical issues, and I am emotionally sensitive, and so unfortunately, feeling triggered has become shall we say, easy for me—my natural default setting.
Which leads me to my most recent realization: I am an exhausted warrior. I’ve salted enough of my wounds and the wounds of others. I have fought with my physical and emotional issues for long enough, and I am tired from the ongoing battle.
We have all faced our own challenges and fought our own personal battles. We have held our own grudges and found our own means of attack. Many people have not spoken to a family member or a friend for years, and some cannot even remember why. Others resent the hand they’ve been dealt and thrive on their “blame stories.”
The questions we really have to ask ourselves are as follows: Do we really have to continue to salt each other’s wounds? Is it so necessary to feed the ego and be right or can we find ways to feed the soul and be happy?
Do we ever really win living life from the vantage point of being right? If the nervous system pays the price every time we fight, then we lose each and every time. So you may think that you have won the argument, but you’ve lost the ultimate battle—to live happily and peacefully
We really do get to choose: We can move through life feeling emotionally charged and being triggered by anything and everything—or we can move through life feeling peacefully untriggered and accepting everything that we cannot control as is and everyone for the truth of who they are.
So many of us think it’s simply a given—it’s just what we do—it’s how we react under the circumstances. When someone argues, we argue back. When someone attacks, we attack back. When someone becomes the “asshole” we become the “bitch.” It seems that one naturally follows and justifies the other.
Here’s my point: Just because something is habitual, allowed, tolerated, and/or common practice, it doesn’t mean that it’s right!
There is a better and healthier option, and it certainly doesn’t mean that you’re weak, complacent, or lame. The opposite in fact is true. It means that you have evolved into a place of emotional maturity so that you can become aware of and acknowledge emotions and triggers and get to choose how you want to respond to life.
Of recent I have been both humbled and empowered and moving forward I set the intention to choose “life untriggered” as often as possible—to live out the rest of my days both disarmed and free. I am letting go of the need to judge and/or punish self and others.
I am choosing not to have any more bones to pick, axes to grind, and daggers to throw. I surrender and let go. And what I’m choosing to have instead is love to exude, mind/body/spirit to nurture, and life to celebrate. How about joining me on the journey to live an “untriggered life?” What have you got to lose?
Thus far, for me, this journey has felt so lovely. My husband and I are moving through our days appreciating each other for who we are and honouring our differences. And in rising above the “pettiness,” we are better able to focus on our priorities and what matters most to us. I no longer care to judge others in the same way and I’m embracing curiosity instead. So despite my physical pain, life now feels nicer, lighter, and freer.
Given the fact that we are only human, there will certainly be times when we will feel triggered. But the goal is for there to be far more times when we remember that letting go and choosing to feel untriggered is not only a very viable option but it is also the greatest gift we can give to ourselves and to our cells!
If you’re interested in delving deeper into this topic and finding practical ways to live “life untriggered,” then take a moment now, and register for my upcoming Six-Week Interactive Wellness Workshop entitled, How to Quiet the Overthinking Mind.
Or, feel free to be in touch with me at any time regarding this workshop or for individual coaching.